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“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. “
-Meg Cabot

For the most part, I dislike guessing. It’s midterm season here at my university, and I try to actually know the answers to the questions rather than simply narrowing it down and then betting fifty-fifty.  And although I dislike being wrong, I like to know when I am incorrect as well.

I took my Asian American Studies midterm today. I hope someday they allow students to take written exams on a computer. Did you know that written exams and multiple choice exams equally test your knowledge of a subject? Written exams just test how well you can articulate it.

This evening, there was a revival worship and praise night at the chapel on campus. It was led by United Pursuit Band & YWAM Circuit Riders, which was interesting mostly because I had been talking to a guy from my church about the Circuit Riders earlier that day. He had been checking out the various Christian revival groups and their theological background and whatnot. If he mentioned that they are rather charismatic, I missed it.

For those of you who don’t know, “charismatic” basically means the exact opposite of whatever you think Church is supposed to be like. In a very broad and general sense at least.

Charismatic Christians and their worship are very new phenomena for me, and I was rather uncomfortable to say the least. Plus I pretty much came in the middle, so that didn’t help either. But, either way it was a refreshing time of worship among a very passionate group of Christian leaders on campus. They were praying for revival; they were praying for passion; they were praying for the future. I was moved. I wanted to catch that fire, that passion – and then actually act upon them.

On Sunday I was talking to a couple from my church. They were taking me home from an after-church function during which the Taiwan winter missions team presented. They asked me if I had ever been on a mission trip before. I said yes: Vacation Bible School in Mexico. They asked me if I would ever go on a mission trip – like the trip to Taiwan – where basically the entire trip is dedicated to sharing the Gospel to random strangers. I said no: I don’t speak Chinese. But on the other hand, if it were a trip in the U.S., I could do that. Probably. Maybe. If I had more courage.

I left the praise night early because I figured I had other things to do. I was glad I went but…you know. Stuff. Spiritually I was feeling pretty full, like if God told me to do something, I would drop everything and do it. Right at that instant.

You have to be careful about what you pray for sometimes.

I wasn’t sure if they were acting at first. They were standing in front of a theater, so I thought they might be rehearsing a scene.

But you don’t punch someone that hard.

You don’t pull their hair.

You don’t kick them while they’re down.

And your friends shouldn’t egg you on.

You don’t treat people like that. You just don’t. But – no matter what others tell you to do, no matter what society says – my first instinct was to walk away. It’s not my business. Someone else will stop them. Don’t get involved.

“DUDE. What are you doing?!”

Back off. It ain’t your business. We got it handled. Do you want to be the one getting hit? We got it handled. Some bitches deserve to get the shit beat out of them.

The @#$% they do!

“No, it is my business! You don’t treat someone like that.”

Go away. It’s handled. It ain’t your business. Just walk away.

I had my phone. They weren’t fighting anymore, so I was reluctant to call the police. I walked away, checking over my shoulder should they start fighting again. I went to Starbucks. I thought they might know the number of the non-emergency police call line. I thought they might know what to do. There were kids fighting just outside after all. That’s not right. I was suddenly having a hard time breathing. And seeing. I checked on the group of kids. They were leaving – one girl in one direction and the other in another direction. That was good.

The situation was good.

I guess.